Kids face all sorts of issues throughout the day. Some are small, like a missing shoe, others are far harsher and more delicate like parents separating or peer bullying. Each of these issues comes loaded with emotions that can feel overwhelming, clouding judgement and halting progress. While having an adult step in can make a problem magically disappear, it takes away a learning experience that will enable your child to overcome adversities and build resilience.

While helping out or covering up a problem might seem like the best way forward, it can really pay to pause for a moment and ask how can my child be encouraged to get through this themselves?

Every time they are supported to find their own solutions, especially if the solution takes patience and trial and error, they are building resilience that will steer them successfully through the rest of their lives.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity to cope when things go wrong. No matter what challenge a person of any age is facing they will be more likely to find a solution or keep their chin high if they have a resilient mindset that encourages them to keep trying new things, asking different questions or finding new points of view. If the first thing you do doesn’t work out, resilience is the power to try something new, learn from mistakes and not take it personally.

For example, if a child gets a C grade on a test in school, a child without resilience will assume they are not smart enough to do the class well. A resilient child will ask for help on the questions they got wrong, do some extra study and even find ways to practise the subject in new ways.

Where Does Resilience Come From?

Every child will respond to adversity differently depending on their personality, temperament, biological makeup and the people in their surrounding environment including parents, teachers, peers, extended family and community groups.

If you think about a small problem like a missing shoe, some children will fret over it while others will barely notice, even as you rush around to find it to get out the door on time.

A child can also show incredible resilience around some tasks but none at all in others. Learning how to transfer resilience from one subject (i.e. friendships) to another (maths) is a great way to show them that resilience can be applied to anything.

How to Build Resilience in Children

There are five areas you can focus on to help support and nurture building resilience in children.

1. Managing emotions - both positive and negative emotions are a normal and expected part of life. Knowing how to calm down after experiencing a big emotion is important.

2. Give them autonomy and responsibility - find ways for them to make their own age appropriate choices, have control and take responsibility.

3. Expose them to diversity - you can help introduce them to age appropriate opportunities to overcome problems and issues

4. Create and maintain supportive relationships - Get help from family, friends and teachers to be supportive of mistakes and deliver a consistent message that they have the capacity to learn and grow.

5. Be a leader - As well as helping support them, make sure you are actively completing all these tasks too. Be open about the mistakes you make and let your child see how you change approaches to find a solution that fits. Getting outside your own comfort zone will really help you understand what your child is experiencing and give you more patience and compassion as they make their way through.

Because every child is different and will engage in different tasks and resilience practices uniquely, it’s important that you prioritise their experiences to be a great fit with their personality. Once they can see that positive outcomes are possible, you’ll be able to increase the level of complexity or frequency of challenges to allow them to step up at their own speed.

If your child is currently experiencing stress you might need some additional support to show you and them how to go about creating resilience.