Anticipatory Grief And How to Cope With It
While conventional grief is often felt after a person dies, anticipatory grief occurs before the loss of a loved one. People can react poorly to coming death, have mixed feelings nearing the end of life, hold on for too long, or begin to let go too early, all of which can be deeply painful emotions. However, coping with the grief we feel for a person who’s still here is possible. This article explains anticipatory grief and certain strategies that could help the person dying as well as their loved ones in this time.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief is a common feeling. It represents deep sadness that is felt during the last days of a person’s life. Both the dying person's family or loved ones and the dying person themselves could feel anticipatory grief. This emotion is most common in situations when we know that death is close and inevitable.
Situations like this can be particularly difficult and painful, and many individuals will feel like they are somewhere between still holding on and finally letting go. If we lean towards letting go at all, we might also feel as if we are betraying our loved ones. However, it’s possible to both let go and still hold on.
Allowing yourself to grieve and feel
Along with the coming loss of a loved one, anticipatory grief can also represent the grief of losing a companion, the memories you shared together, and the dreams you may have had for the future. Former grief could resurface in this period as well, which is why you should never deny your pain. This will only prolong the grief you feel in the future. Instead, you should be true and honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain. Accept the imminent loss, work through your pain, and try to adjust to a life without your loved one. This doesn’t mean giving up or forgetting, but rather holding on to the love, joy, and memories you’ve shared.
Seeking professional help with coping
When facing anticipatory grief, a need to take the pain away or make the process easier for a loved one is often present. And while we can’t prevent the loss of those we love most, we can offer some help and assistance in their final days. Working with an experienced death doula can be of great help in this instance.
By performing a supportive, non-medical role, death doulas carry out the tasks that are necessary for helping a person die peacefully. They can give respite to tired caregivers, bring a deeper meaning to the experience of dying, and prepare individuals for the last breaths of their loved ones. Their role is reassuring and irreplaceable.
Finding support and expressing pain
Supporting a loved one through such a difficult period is necessary, but it’s important for you to get proper support as well. Anticipatory grief can be a difficult process that invokes many different emotions, with sadness, depression, and anger being among the most common feelings. If you are experiencing any of these emotions, talking to a close friend or a trusted family member can help. Find a person who is a good listener and who will allow you to freely express your negative feelings without any judgment. Letting it all out can lessen the burden and a good listener can make you feel less alone, but don’t feel the need to accept any unwanted advice.
Spending time with dying loved ones
Spending time with a dying loved one can be difficult, as we often want to remember them at their best, not their worst. But this is also incredibly important, not just for your loved one, but also for you. If you don’t, you might regret this decision in the future.
Find more meaningful ways to spend time with your loved one. Whether that means sharing stories, passing down family heirlooms, taking photos and videos, or simply reading their favorite books, this will be the last chance to make beautiful memories together and it might help you come to terms with what’s to come.
Finding ways to cope with anticipatory grief can be hard, as grief is a deeply personal experience. The advice above could help to ease some of the pain, but the most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself throughout this process.
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